The Caricature

Well, you might have heard of the offending caricature that has been published in a news paper here in Iran. A group of our country-mates had been offended since it has been written in a local language of west-north of Iran.
Since it had been published a lot of protests & demonstrations has been going on around the country. Yesterday, some had been gathered in front of the national TV to show their protest. I still wonder how that would help to solve the problem.
In the first place, the caricature shouldn’t have been published but now that the jobs done, what’s the use of all these fuss? The Chief editor in charge of the news paper is held under supervision of legal forces & the paper itself is banned from being published. An apology had been written even before the protests begin.
I hope one day we all learn to respect others & forgive their mistakes. It’s not like that a little mistake can’t be overlooked.

My Job Account

Well, AT last!
I've got the internet account over here at my office which means I would be updating more & more.
Tehran has had a few cool nights in the last week & I went out of town for the weekend. The weather is still nice & we had a lot of fun.
I'm not still adapted to my new schdual at work. but hey, as long as I have internet access that does not matter.

Changes

I wonder if I had changed into something I don’t want to be. Sometimes it’s like I don’t even know myself. It’s pretty unnerving when I find myself in a situation & I know that I’m acting in a wrong a way.
Isn’t it strange? During the last year, sometime during developing my job, I have turned into a judgmental, skeptical & guarded fellow who is always watching her back. My naturally easygoingness had altered to a rigid, up-to-a-limit decision making which had reduced the creativity in my job.
& that’s exactly what I’m supposed to be: a good-for-nothing OFFICER who only does what she is told or else she might lose her job. Due to some wicked lies of an addicted fibber I have transformed from an energetic young force in the site to a malicious melodrama queen who only seeks her own profits. & I guess I have my role in it: I had been over reacting to the wrong that was going on around me, & I had sticks to the ethics & morals I have been brought upon. It was not in my power to be leisurely oblivious to the deficiencies in my field. I could not sit & wait for people to do their jobs.
I have my mistakes too. I take business personal. I take my job as if my life depends on it; as if the whole free world destiny depends on accuracy & perfection of it. What’s more, patience had never been one of my practical virtues. I need to get to results in the shortest time possible.
All these had led me to land of doubtfulness. Indeed, I don’t know where I am going right now. There is no job-security, no job-satisfaction & nothing to start the day for. The pay-check is ok… it pays the bills & I get to have a lot fun. (& that means I earn enough to be able to afford the luxury of leisure.) However, as one of my colleagues once said: “We are all lost in the daily usualness of our lives.” We wake up, Go to Work, do the same job every day & come back home unsatisfied & hurt only to sleep & then wake up to yet another routine image of life.
Yet, I feel I need to set off to find new opportunities. Maybe it’s time I spread my wings & fellow with the wind & let the luck lead me away.
Iran’s critical condition is one of the few reasons I don’t like practice the idea above. Any move in the misty & uncertain situation we’re hanging in, can lead to a total disaster, cos there are no means to calculate the right moves. & I had lost the ability to risk. The funny point is, ironically not making a move too can lead to a catastrophe!
My contract will be over this week & there are talks of expanding it for the next 3 months. Till then I will have my Masc. exam results & shall be able to choose a right way out. Whatever may come, I don’t like the changes in me. I need to get back to the person I was before & soon.

Mr. Bluff

I really need to practice more self-control. I need to practice patience, which honestly has never been one of my not-so-many virtues.
What is THE matter? Simple: recently a colleague is getting on my nerve! Although I am much younger, he is the one who is inferior in rank. What I mean is that actually, I happen to be the boss & he happens to be under my supervision; which seems to be incomprehensible for him. It had never been one of my tactics to boss around or give orders. It’s more like me to ask for a favor rather than directing a command & that has gotten me in the situation where he shouts at me in front of a crowd. Thus, I feel it’s really time I did something about it.
The point is that ‘doing something about it’ means I have to go to mattresses & pick up a war & I have to neglect the respect I show him due to his elderliness.
It’s not the first time he had tried to interfere with my duties at work. I try not to be judgmental yet he never did his job the way he was supposed to do & when I tried to cover the part he must be doing, he felt in danger & tried his best to keep me out of the situation.
It’s partially my fault too. Being the perfectionist that I am, I never feel satisfied enough with the situation. & also I did let him overtake me because of my boyfriend.
You know that I supervise the cuisine contactor in my company. My boyfriend happened to be the contractor representative at the time we started going out. Due to the situation & the fact that in Iran having a boyfriend is kind of a TABOO for government (I work for a governmental company), I preferred to keep my relationship down low. Joop & I never let our relationship get in the middle of our jobs & soon he resigned & left the place. The colleague I’m talking about who is also an overseer figured that we were friends & send the reports to the heads which only led to me staying more in the office instead of the site & that made the quality of food so bad that the complains made them put me back on site.
I never mentioned a thing to him though. & I never mentioned that it was his fault & flaw, which made them put me back on site. Heaven knows it was much easier for me to be in the office cos basically that meant more power for me with less mess.
Now that I am back on the site again, I guess he feels terrorized, & he looks scared of losing his job because almost everybody knows he is an addict. & that is why he is getting on my nerve. He fears I try to get even! & I don’t know what to do really… he is preventing me from doing my job but I don’t think it’s fair to his family to have him out of job. Anyhow, he must learn a few lessons & the first is to know who the boss is.

I'm Just Back from a vacation...

Well, if you are a somebody here & you want to hang out by the beach in your own country... Kish is the place to go!
Ok you always have the Caspian 2 hours away, BUT Persian Golf is really something else. I always liked the south beach more than the north one.
However, I must admit that this trip had been sort of disappointment this time. I did have a ball at the Dolphin Park & the trip around the Island was absolutely fantastic; yet it didn't stop me from being a pain in the neck for my companians. & it didn't stop my friend either.
It was like we intentionally wanted to hurt each other which considering the fact that we've known eachother practically our whole lives, seemed rather odd. Yet that was a very good exprience.... I learened that even my closest friend sometimes doesn't understand my needs. & I learened that I am the one who has to deal with it. No matter what, I shouldn't have let small things ruin our time.
Anyhow, just leave it that. I know some of the readers may know her & they might get upset.
WE stayed at the 5-Star Shayan Hotel & due to the renovations undergoing very slowly we faced some incoviniences. Yet it is the hotel you stay in if you want to have fun. Although kish is an island, Shayan is the only hotel which accomidate you with private beach. & you can enjoy a lot of water sports as well as a good service. However, the bulding itself is old & you may find it not as neat as a 5-star is supposed to be. Besides it's the nearest one to the Malls so....
BTW, It was too windy for us to go jetskiing but a lot of people were wind surfing which was really nice.
This week is going to be a hard one at the office. We're swiching contractors & everything's a mess.
Wish me Luck.

Three Earthquakes Level Iranian Villages

& That's that?
I mean it's unbelieveable that a colugue of mine just called me up to ask if I was back from my vacation & if I was harmed & "fortunately the number of deads were low"! By Lord, how could he say such a thing?
The point is that I know the number is not even comparable to Bam earthquake yet... 1200 people are dead! & beside that... lots of others are homeless & need imidiate help. Westren parts of Iran is very cold in this season & I dont think without help the survivers can live long. Survivers... isn't this word supposed to be beautiful & give u a sence of secureness? Well, right now the only thing I can see is the ugly part of the word. I was just on the phone with my boyfriend & he tried to calm me down a bit with no success! He says I worry too much about the things I can not control....
There I said it! I mean the big news was... MY First Boyfriend! I'm not sure why we started dating! Anyhow, I've been dating this guy for 3 months now & well, it seems kind of ridicules now.
Forget it.... I may write about it soon. I just wanted you to know I am safe & sound.
And dont forget to donate.... These people need whatever you can get.... & most of all they need our support.

Is there any reason I cannot post on blogger?

I've been dieing to tell everyone the news but I could not log in to blogger.
Anyhow happy Iranian new year & I shall be back soon.

Plane Crashed...

I was not even in Tehran at the time. But it came to us as kind of a shock because it crashed in a residental area near airport. The whole crew & passengers of the plane passed away but the late captain did a very nice job & tried to land the plane with minimum destruction. Yet only those who have a little knowlege of poileting will understand this.
Right now the question is why the plane had taken off in the first place cos there had been soemthing wrong with it before. & the Defence minister has been called to Parliment to answer the questions.

My TOEFL Score Has Arrived!

& I do not believe my eyes! I got 657 out 0f 670 on the paper based test. Although as I reckoned before my TWE (Test of Written English) score is not good & I just received 4 out of 6 which is very low considering the score I expected. Well, that’s not surprising cos the time run out before I could write the conclusion for the writing test. I wish I could use other parts’ time to finish up my writing but alas. If I could, I would have around 15 minutes added to my 30-minutes time for writing & it would have been more than enough for me to complete my test.
I am still shocked for my general score, however. This means that I only had 3 wrong answers in the whole test! Which is absolutely crazy! I really didn’t think I would be able to perform that well on the test due to that fact that I was fasting. Besides, 657 is … I don’t know, it’s like a dream come true.
I’m not usually one to make a fuss about scores. Yet even the most self-obsessed part of me could not imagine this. I would have appreciated 630 but after seeing my friends’ scores, I assumed that mine would be around 600 or less. So either I have gotten lucky or the test score is wrong!
The funny point is that this particular score will do nothing for me. English knowledge is not appreciated very much at my company, not in my section anyway. & there would be no way I can use this score as long as I am in Iran.
That’s why I have seriously started to think about studying abroad. I don’t know where I can find a good university with low costs. & honestly, right now I feel it’s really unfair that my friend who has a lot of trouble making a sentence in English has the opportunity to study abroad cos she has become an immigrant due to her father’s status. I know I should not write this & I definitely understand that I should not envy her for the things she has. That’s not the way friends should feel about each other. But right now, I don’t feel like practicing the morals I have been brought up on.
I wish I could find something that she, herself had achieved without the help of her parents, so that I could relate her privileges to them. Life is not fair. & I have to shut up before I give in to this bottled-up-silently-screaming anger that I feel right now.
Adios.

Loneliness

And the emptiness is lethal. & the more I isolate myself, the more I feel hallow. & the more I try, the less I find a way out….
So everyday I just put off waking up to avoid facing arid days & I linger in my bed while my thoughts fly away to the nothingness land.
The ridiculous point is even in my dreams I am not content. I run away to fantasy yet even there, there is no comfort. So I just lie there in my bed & try hard to concentrate on an empty void…. Since it really doesn’t matter what I’m pondering about, the result is the same: I end up in emptiness & emptiness is lethal.

These is of our Garden's Pix

Dreams

I’ve been writing down my dreams ever since I can remember & it had led to me writing some pieces. Some time ago, I was searching through my notes & I found some of my old ones, one is based on a dream I had.
I wonder if it is right that our unconscious mind shows it’s creativity while we’re asleep. I mean right before I fall asleep all these ideas float into my mind & if only I could catch one of them, I would be able to write a masterpiece.
I gather some dreams are the ‘to-be-continued-s’ of my pre-sleep story-weavings. It is like I see the first episode when I’m still half-awake & in my slumber I make out the outline of the fantasy & then I dream it.
Do we have command on what we dream? I read Freud’s book of dreams recently. & he didn’t seem to think that human can control what they see in dreams. Well, he thinks that ‘we’ partially make dreams during the day. Yet he defines it as an uninhibited process. My question is if anybody else has ever controlled his or her dreams.

I Promise to write in a week time....

Life just had been hectic around here! Although the fasting month meant I should have more time... alas for my *how-can-I-put-it-politely-that-he-is-a-pain-in-the-neck?* had to assign me to some unrelevent subjects so....
Forget it! I have to run now... be back soon!

There is an issue on my mind…

Iran is one those countries where anything related to se* is taboo. I mean even talking about marital problems related to it is somewhat rude & is considered offending to some.
This attitude is changing among younger generation though. Most of my friends are comfortable about discussing se*ual relationships & are very open-minded toward the whole thing in comparison to others. Being in a relationship with someone & love-making out of the wedlock (which used to be a HUGE shame) is becoming more & more practiced & most of young generation accept that as part of a relationship.
I’m not saying that the idea & the whole situation is right or wrong. Here I’m just trying to draw a picture of how step by step we’re walking toward this kind of freedom to live our own lives regardless of what others think. Good or bad this has been the trend for sometime & although most parents are somehow against it, it seems to be fashionable to be in a se*ual relationship.
I myself don’t have any issue with people who consummate out wedlock. Basically it’s their right to do whatever they want to do & it’s none of anyone’s business. While I’m not comfortable to practice it myself, I do hate it when people try to force others to go their way & stay in some kind of a mind frame whether it is for or against se*uality.
This is not the issue I want to discuss right now, because heterosexual relationship is on its way of acceptance. It is homosexual relations which need to be discussed. What I don’t understand is why the people who understand the relationship between male & female & are bragging about being humanist & believing in the extreme freedom of human rights, have such big issues with homosexuality.
I know that it’s not the natural way of having a relationship to say the least. But who are we to oppose the nature of someone & tell them what to do?
Looking at it from religious point of view, both consummating out of wedlock & homosexuality are referred to as sins. So if anyone wants to stick to the orders of religion then they must not practice either of them. Boasting about one’s ability in one area & bashing the other doesn’t seem right.
Furthermore, homosexuality is not a disease which needs quarantine. I mean homosexuals should not be abandoned or be treated as some kind of a trash or germ. They just go after something which is not practiced by others. They have a right over their body & they have the right to use it the way they want to.
I know that even in modern countries homosexuality is still regarded ‘unnatural’ & I don’t think in very long time it will be considered ‘normal’ in my country. Still I feel the need to state my opinion & stand up for their right. While I have to admit it is weird for me to have gay friends, I don’t necessarily find it disgusting. They are humans like us, they only behave differently.

What’s going on in my life?

A lot actually! First of all there had been big changes around the country & our new president is introducing his cabinet. Everybody in the office is concerned about who will be the next OIL Minister (since I’m working in a governmental company supervised by Oil ministry). Honestly I didn’t have the chance to watch all the debates going on in parliament regarding the qualifications of ministry candidates, which is a shame. I only get to watch the summery in the news & it’s not enough for me! Therefore I don’t know whether these people are good or not.
Now that it’s mentioned, the fact that most of the candidates are new to the territory of public politics is not much of help either. Pr. Ahmadinejad has vowed to change the whole ‘big names get the job’ situation of the government & he seems to stick to his vows.
As much as Sticking to the vows is a plus to his presidency, I still have some issues with the way he dresses. After pr. Khatami with his elegant manners, it’s kind of hard for me to look at the new president & don’t think of buying him a comb & some razors!
The other big matter around here is cholera. It seems that we have been attacked by quickly-spreading microbe & it makes my professional life a living hell since I have to control every article of raw material coming to the company. I had to announce that we are in the red 4 weeks ago & all kinds of fruit & fresh vegetables are removed from our serving line. I have to admit that it is easier said than done when it comes to practicing ‘high’ hygiene procedures. Most of the time, I have to argue with chefs & cooks to obey the strict hygiene rules & it’s really unnerving to see them take it lightly.
Next big thing going on is that we’re renovating our house. Although we’ve planning for sometime now, it is still very hard for us to manage & complete everything before fall. I don’t want anyone touching my stuff & it makes it even harder for me to get through everything.
MS entrance exam results would be out in about a week & it’s pushing my patience to the edge. It’s not like I’m expecting to get admitted, still…. In my humble opinion, I’ve done a practically good job, being in the one third who got the green lights for the interviews. Yet something inside me is hopeful for the fighting chance I might have been admitted. Let’s I like to dream about it!
Now… I missed writing for my blog. I missed the whole concept of being able to voice your opinion without having to worry about what others think (not that I cared A LOT about what others thought!). & I missed everyone here.

Are Moslems terrorists?

We had been discussing the issue lately with some of my Christian friends. & it absolutely amazed me how wrong the world interpret some basic rules of Islam. & self-acclaimed Moslems do help that idea! They threaten & terrorize the mass who had nothing to harm them.
Islam basically says if anyone attacked you, you must fight against them, either that or if you’re threatened. There is no such rule as to attack street done to Islam? innocent people! What harm had people in the
The point is that most of these self-acclaimed Moslems firmly believe that west government had done a lot of harm trying to isolate Moslems. Yet I don’t see why they punish innocent civilians instead of the powerful government ruling their lives!
Where is the mercy Islam order for us to practice? Islam says love your neighbors! & we believe in all the prophets who had been before Muhammad & we believe in all the religions before Islam.Why would we want to hurt others? We’re not terrorists! Believe me… it’s the hardliners who never understand Islam. I’m sorry for all the hurt they brought the world.

London & the bombs:

We were shocked. We really were shocked to say the least. When my cousin told me about the bombs in London, I thought he was making fun of me. I thought he was joking! Then we turned on the radio & it was on everywhere.
I feel sorry not only for people who suffered in the attack but also for people who planed it. Why in the name of God some people commit such huge crimes? Killing innocent people won’t get anyone anywhere. Terror is nit the answer!
The first thing my cousin said after hearing the news was “we’re going to get attacked”. & that’s how some others think too. I have no idea how the bombing would be related to Iran but if President Bush is waiting for a reason to continue the war against terrorism, this would be a good one to attack my country.
Well, I’m not going to think about unreasonable nightmares we might be facing in near future. My career is on the rocks & I’m starting French lessons so I supposedly don’t have the time to worry!!!!!
Moreover, before I sign off this post, El if you’re reading this post anywhere on the earth, give me a call or leave a message or something. I’m dead worried about you & Alex. I tried to call your cell phone but it was off! I hope you would not be hurt in the bombs! I’ll call New Castle tonight, hopefully you’ll be back home by then!

See the pic?

Leila...

is a nice movie. Did u know that the actor & the actoress got married after the movie?
Ali Mosafa (actor) is the grandchild of an Iranian poetess & both his parents are university lecturers. Leila Hatami (actoress) is the only daughter of our great movie maker Ali Hatami. The movie is rather old & the first I watched it, I cried my eyes out!