Family Time

Yesterday Dad & I sat in the ballconey for a chat. It was really refreshing for me to be able to sit & enjoy the afternoon with my parents. Recently, I feel that I dont spend enough time with them. Usually I'm too tried from making it through another day at work to sit back & relax with them. & as I try not to have dinner, I mostly miss the dinner chat which is a ritual in my family. Perhaps I had been too caught up in my problems at work that I did forget about the mircle that a little chat does.
It was nothing special & we just had a good laugh over stupid facts. & then just sat there for a while. It reminded me of good old days when we used to chit-chat & play memory-games there. & then I felt belonged. I felt that no matter how difficult it would be to survive another day at work, no matter what I would have to go through in my life, I could always come back home & craddle with dad & that would make everything alright. Or I would just let my mom hug me for a while & no harm, no malicous intention will ever hurt me again.
Lord, I'm grateful for th blessing you gave to me in the form of family.

Good Grace.

I'm done with Fan-fiction forever!
Some of you might know that I am a fiction writer & that I sometimes writes fan-fictions. Well, Last summer around this time of year I was writing one about 'Mark Feehilly of Westlife' who'm I adore. & I was about to finish the story by the scheme I had in mind when he announced that he was gay. I still love him & I adore his voice & his work & I personally dont have anything about being on the other side. Truth be known I even find it quit rational & in my mind I always suspected that he was not straight due to a lot of small facts, yet the story never got finished. I did not dare to attach him to some girl.
& this summer I was writing about 'Lance Bass of *NSYNC' & guess what? He is gay too & I always known that he was not straight. So I guess I have to give up on writing fiction about hotties.... I never will finish them anyway. ;)
*note* I really dont think that what other's feel is any of my businees & I dont mind them being what they are. I'm still their fan. I become a fan for the music & for their voices.... & that's what matters to me.
I'm happy for them as long as they are happy.

UC Berkeley student's poem to Hezbollah

I found it here... Without a change: & with no intention of taking sides. I think a ceasefire is needed to save lives. I hate the fact that cicilians are killing in both sides

I Don’t Want to Love You,

But I DoYou were born out of death to a life in a cage
Where bombs are not the only reason people die
Fed by the violence of hunger and homelessness
Raised by colonialism
Your heart and your will still grew strong

You scare meNot just because they tell me to be scared
Not just because they repeat, repeat, repeatThe story of
1983
Begging me to understand
Americans are worth more than Lebanese

Why do they never tell me about Jihad al Bina
That you have created so much
Saved so many lives
Improved so many moreIt scares me

When I admit to myself
That I would be more scared without you
If I still took the time to see

To see the violence that does not just fall from the
skies
that exists in hunger and homelessness
in colonialism

It scares me
That my hope is tangled up
In actions I would never want to commit

But I don’t sleep much these days
And I’ve tried hard
But I haven’t found
Anything
to give me hope that they will listen

They repeat, repeat, repeat
The story of Gaza withdrawal
Hoping we won’t see
The violence that continues
That kills in so many ways
Hoping we will now support it
Or at least stop looking

They insist talk does not work
When there is no one to talk to
It is hard to find an interlocutor
When you’re not willing to listen
To see
To feel

How do you keep faith that talk will work
When even they are insisting it won’t?

I am learning to have hope in you
I am learning to see you as so much more
Than those actions I would never want to commit

You amaze me.
Born out of death to a life in a cage
Raised by colonialism
You did not accept imprisonment as natural
You did not accept hunger as justice
You did not acceptthe ceaseless killing in so many ways
Of those next to you
Or those farther away

I love you
But I will never be yours
I don’t want you inside me
You are too male for me
And I cannot, gratefully, fully silence the voice that
insists:
Some deaths you did accept
Including of some who were listening

That is why the full statement that the question-marks pry me with
reads:
It is sad, but I’m learning to have hope in Hizbulla
Maybe it is the naivety
of one whose life has never been directly threatened
I still believe:
Be the change you want to see in the world.

Dare To dream?

Are You daring enough to jump fo the unknown? Are you brave enough to do strech out your wings & fly?
Dare to dream?
Sky is the limit!
-----------------------------
As I can not check blogspot I cannot leave a reply on it. So dear Lynne about nagging Mom. Well, I can say she will nag but she will be disappionted & she would probably get worried. It's not about the money, as a lady who always had been a top career girl & a highly respected manager she can not understand that someone (namely me) cannot adapat herself with the situation. She truely wants me to be as successful as herself & that would be very hard.
I know how your mother can get about the job. It's just that they want us to be happy & successful but they think that quiting the job is some kind of a failure for us.
& believe me failure is word none of my parents understand.
It's good to have such supporting & caring parents but sometimes it's just hard to live up to their expectations. (Well, & they tell me where I have gain my idealistism & being a perfectionist... They may just take a look at themselves sometimes.)
Anyway, We both know that we love them to death! I guess wht my cousin say is true: You cant live with them, you can not live without them!

There are

There are 2 type of things I should consider:
1- qiut my job. Lose the salary I have with no hope to get insurance money.
2- Do the job. Be humilated. Not be considered. &... But gian an almost-reasonable salary & have insurance.
which one you would choose?

Not to Be Judged...

Straight from BBC News:

At least 362 Lebanese, many of them civilians, have been killed during the conflict, which is now into its 13th day. Thirty-seven Israelis have been killed, about half of them civilians.

This is the link to Rice's comments on Mid-East Crissis.
I have absolutely no comments.

Spare time?

Oh... no!
I guess I make the spare time I use. I know that if I dont plan my wekend to do some fun, I perobably would sleep all day. So I try to use every second of that doing what I like. Listening to music, watching movies, going out!
I've learend that life is too short to be spent without fun & no one makes time for you if u yourself wont find time for yourself.

Has it ever occured to you that what a loser I am? Not? Well, this post will show you the real answer:
I spent all my weekend watching movies & not worthy movies... only B & C rated ones some in Persian & some English & now I feel like throwing up!
No really what kind of a loser watch 8 movies in 12 hours for fun?

I tried smsbloging.

& that was wonderful. It seems that having smsblogig reduced the urge for going online to publish my posts.
Well, Over here I can use the persinblog service for smsbloging. Does anybodyelse use it?

The Da Vincci Code

I was reading the book last night for the fourth time & Suddenly pricked my mind that would it be really correct? Would it be that Jesus was married like Mohammad. I just want to know your opinion.... It's nice to feel that a prophet could love an oridanry lady.

I dreamed about death last night

I dreamed that I was about to go through saint Peter's gate... & I was afraid. Someone tried to bail me out but they failed & They dragged me in.
I remember feeling weightless & I remember that everything where white & cloudy & then I heared the voice that told me I was blessed, that i was forgiven & that I shall go back & live a blessed life... Then I came back: There was chaos & everywhere was messy & in dream I felt the life was a jumble-mumble I didn't understand. & then I saw myself... walking an inch off the ground passing the mess by with extar-lightness.
What does that mean? Would death be this beautiful thing I saw in the dream?

I Hate Wars...

& I'm afraid for those who are involved & I'm frightened that my country may burst into the war again.
War is the ugliest word I've ever encoutered. It's the ultimate destructiveness of human beings. No other species kills his kind for such unimportant reasons like who has more right to love God. No one has the right to take away somebody else's life but Lord himself. Where are the love-lessons we learend?
What happened to the 'Song of Joy'? I'm afraid that we all have forgotten that we all have one earth, one destiny, one goal....
I hate this power games that political men play. I hate that people have to be killed so that 'some' people gain the 'right' over the 'holy' Land.

A War...

Is Middle East is bursting into another war? Will we be able to see peace one day settled here?

To Care...

Is there any reason I should miss a relationship I ended myself? I mean we were not right for eachother. & honestly I did not like the fact that he had become dependent on me, yet sometimes I miss his presence... some tiny moments I think well, if he was here... & that is not how I like it to be.
My friend Kat tells me it's only natural. Yet it does not ease the pain. What shall I do?

Hairdresser's

Well, That is one thing I love to do... Go down to my hair dresser & let her praise my hair while giving it a new style.
I usually keep my hair short but right now I'm growing it out for the few weddings I'm about to take part it.
Anyhow, I re-highlighted my hair... It's kinda brownish honey & a few shades lighter than my natural hightlights so my apearance in slightly changed. I like the new look by the way.
It's starnge how a very little change can totally invert your mood to a much better & more relaxed mood. It's refreshing to look good.
This Sunday would be the first Wedding I intend to go to. Both Bride & Groom are younger than me & that is somewhat strange. How the guys I consider as kids (They are 22 & 24 respectively) are ready to commit for a lifetime? Well, it's not my place to be questioning the motives... I wish them happiness & meanwhile I'll ride my own life.

The Riders

A friend told me the other night:
There are 2 types of people: The ones who let the life ride them & the ones who ride the life... which one are you going to be?
The question is which one are you?

World Cup, ITALY & I

So Italy won the soccer world cup & we, Italy fans around the world, are celebrating.
Sometimes I think about the unity football brings to our lives. We laugh & cry & we enjoy one moment together all around the world.
Isn't it beautifull: you feel connected to millions others watching the same thing. Even imagining this would have been impossible a century ago & a century is a relatively short time in history of men. How far have we really come?

Oh Yeah & another nice sms:
Life is just as long as a short nap under an apple tree.
Just thought to share that.

Dear Pantra,

I dont know who had said that saying... It was just on a note smsed to me. & By the way I can not check your blog due to the word that is used to describ your blog. It's my stupid proxy at work.
I hope you would be fine.

How life can become better....

I read a saying today which really cought my attention:
I'm the only one who can make myself complete.
I need to ponder on that.

Iranian historical disks to be sold by Chicago University:

Regardless of the point of how & why Iran is involved in the bombing & the reason that Iran has to pay instead of Palestinians; it is ethically wrong to sell a nations root. Thos discs are from some at least 2500 tears ago & they belong to Iranian nation not one person, not a government or idea. They are part of what any Iranian was, is, & part of what any Iranian would be. They are not some worthy items to be sold to pay penalty. They value more than some *million $$$* they are our pride & pride is not something u can put a price tag on.
This is humiliation to all mankind for if one does not care for history of a region, he wont care for the future of man.

The stupid thing about proxies:

Well, come to think of it, it’s not right to write blogs from work yet it does not mean that the word ‘blog’ should be filtered! I gain a lot of my knowledge & information from Food Industry blogs & Blogs which write about cooking & sanitation. They keep me updated. They keep informed. So why should I not have access to them?
During world cup the word sport & also the category had been filtered at work & it was stupid cos I was the one who had to update the sport page of our intranet & I had too gain info from TV! Wasn’t that funny? & now again there is no filter on sport!

What is about the simple life that fascinates me?

I don’t know… simple as is, I don’t have a clue why I love life. & dreadfully enough sometimes, I don’t understand my own motives for living. Yet life goes on & I love it & I do not give a damn why.

In of some Fresh Air

Sometimes all you have is the leftovers of a dream…. & sometime you’re living the ‎dream of someone else. I don’t want to be that dream, all I want is the right to breathe.‎

The weather is sizzeling hot!

Last night it rained. Well, rain is not the word... It poured! Dont get me wrong, I'm in love with summer rain & I enjoyed the weather alot last night.
What I dont like about these summer rains is the fact that it gets too hot right after it. I had been on field, auditing & monitoring some stores & honestly, I feel like a boiled egg right now!
Life is back on track & I love the new freedom that I have.
Here I go to enjoy my life.