Last Thursday when my friend, Sunnaz, & I were riding home a debate started on what we really act toward se6ual relationships. We started talking about an engaged friend of ours & whether we think 'she' is still a vir8in or not, or even she had come close to having a se6ual affair with her 'fiancé'. Not that we are nosy, well, I admit I am a bit, however, the question was more of a general one… whether a modern girl in Iran understands the significance of trying even a subtle physical relationship before taking a huge step towards an enormous commitment? Then on Friday, I went for a visit to another friend's. & she was so troubled & so unsure of herself, just trying to get hitched & satisfy her natural needs… & my heart broke at the sight before me… a very fair & intelligent young lady swimming in the abyss of depression just because she was denied of her rights… more by herself & her self-imposed limits than anything else. & I suddenly shivered 'cuz I could see myself heading toward where she is now in 5 years!
How do we, as somewhat intellectual women, really feel & think about se6ual affairs? Do we really think it is necessary to have physical intimacy in a relationship? What do we need & how important it is to please them?
So let's take the debate to a more personal level. Both, my friend & I had been brought up in a rather open-minded family where se6uality & male-female relations had never been an issue. We were taught that we are a person before being a girl, that we have the same right as the boys. Se6 was never the issue of discussion though. Most of my own se6ual education comes from the books that were provided for us… lying around so we could pick them up & read. That's were most of my other basic knowledge got formed, but well, that's another story.
We like to think ourselves as a modern frameless spirits, yet even in our limitlessness, I don't consider myself as courageous to perform "taboo" tasks! I mean yeah, I for sure have broken some rules but then again, they never went beyond a boundary. This has been the same for the issue of physical intimacy.
I'm a vir8in & I'm happy to keep it that way… Well, at least till I find the one person committed in a relationship. Once in my life I had a boyfriend. He was not mature enough to even be the start of a se6ual relationship by any means; sure there had been kisses & hugs but that never led to anywhere but me hating him even more. It's not that I don't like physical attention, visa versa, I'm the touchy-feely one; but I felt dirty about it! I felt used because I did not love him… & I felt it was not right…. So there I was trying to clear my morals for myself with no success.
While talking to Sunnaz though, I had an intuition: I was going to try a physical relationship. I'm not ready to lose vir8inty yet, but hell, what's wrong with a little fun?
It was funny; tow grown-ups talking about se6 like it's some kind of taboo with a hushed voice & nervous laughter. I started to grow more confident as we spoke though. I thought to myself if I can theorize about right of free-se6, then for sure I could practice it. We could practice it. She might get out of this God-forsaken town & I want her to try intimacy with a guy, try having a physical relation with someone. She deserves to set free & have fun & have experiences she could not have here. I encourage her to go wild & enjoy her life! She said something that I keep thinking about: "I don't want to get married, just because I want to get laid!" & we're both not ready for any commitment…. Why should we think that marriage is the only way of….
Damn… I know I'm all talks & when it comes to practice, I rather sit aside & encourage others on! That's why I said I'm a hypocrite!
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