Dear Sir,
I just thought to send you a mail. It seems that recently we're moving so fast & we're stuck in a whirlwind of emotion that takes us higher & higher & make us act out of our minds.
Where are we going really? Are we going to end up cold & scared when it's all over? When would this bewilderment be over in the first place? Is there an end to it or are we just gonna be frantic weirdo friends for the rest of our lives, doing God-Knows all kinds of stuff?
Have you ever wondered that maybe, maybe we are heading somewhere? That maybe this specific road will lead us to commitment which we both are very frightened of? Would that be as bad as we think?
You ask me if I love you. What does 'love' really mean? What is "LOVE"? Is it the physical need to be as close to you as possible? Is it the urge to breathe your breath & touch your skin or you are thinking of a shudder whenever you reach out for me? Then, no, I don't love you…. I do am in desperate need of your touch but it's not your body I dream of. It's the mystery behind you… the glint of wisdom in your eyes. I like your style. & whenever we talk, whenever we share a passion, whenever I listen to your hyper voice telling me a tale of your own, I feel I can walk on moon. I feel nothing can conquer me, can bring me down when I'm with you. You make the world step away whenever you move one tiny step close. That's not love either. Is it? That's only the ultimate friendship, the bound between us. I can't say "I Love You" in any specific way… in no way in particular. It could be anyone who would happen to have your logical talent & your brilliant mind & passionate enthusiasm, which I declare, is a bit, more than a bit unique. You are one of a kind. Everybody's one of a kind. Everybody's someone. Uhum… you are 'the' someone, still….
You have asked me to accompany you on a trip, where without a gleam of doubt the physical closeness will be exposed to other companions… either that, or you have to be so cold, so cruel that it will break my heart & yours. A trip to nowhere… with you… that sounds frightening. It sounds like a dream suddenly realized. & Dreams should only come true step by step…. No dream is allowed to come to reality without hard work, without pain or it would not be treasured as it should be. You thought me that….
You, sir, have thought me that I should be grateful for the little heartache I have gone true… for a few aching experiences & painful memories… coz no one would reach the juice of perfection without any twinge. The hard you squeeze, the more you are ready to sip the juice. You have thought me to appreciate the effort of others & to respect their right to love me or leave me. It's because of you that now I consider the consequence of every word I say to people. You are the reason for my changes. But are we ready to change into something new? Are we ready to set off to a journey that might change all our lives especially mine? Would it be too much to ask to clarify my hesitations… you are my teacher, my dreamer, my student & my dream all the same. YOU are the only one who have a say in this.
With Love
Proshat
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