Honestly it never did cross my mind that others wanted to know about how Iranians date. I mean, the point is that's a very personal & private matter in my opinion. & everybody has different idea about it.
I do understand that having a boyfriend had been kind of a taboo in my country for so long, like the s** matter & every other related subject, it had only been talked about in the safety within the closed doors. I'm not saying that I comprehend why or that my family practices that kind of thoughts. Being brought up in an open-minded family, the question about guys & how to treat them never actually bothered me much. They had been my friends, co-players, co-students &.... so really there had never been once in my personal life that I had to think of them as a taboo.
However, there are so many girls out there in my country who still have problem with boyfriend issues. What is natural friendship in my opinion happens to be a hidden taboo in someone else's. Therefore it is totally understandable that a question about dating issue would be brought up in a conversation with a foreigner. The fact is that I had been questioned whether I do believe in dating or not & also if I had dated anyone or not.
As I mentioned before that is a very personal issue; yet I will answer them later on for now I want to talk about the majority of people I do know. Most of my friends, both guys & gals, had been in relationships before. Some even dated around, trying to find their suitable match. & it is natural for them to have girlfriends & boyfriends as well as just-friends. At least it's like that in the part of the society I am personally involved with. I have met people who didn't believe in dating & going on an even a friendly date with a guy was a big hush-hush for them. But well everyone is entitled to their own opinion & there is no way I could say that it is wrong or right. & yeah keep in mind that I'm just talking about dating & not S**.
As for the S** part, again most of people I know don’t consider it as a taboo yet they believe in s** in marriage & staying virgin till then. However, I have acquaintances who believe in making love when they are in a happy serious relationship & they practice it. No harm done anyway in my humble opinion since usually this kind of relationships end up in a marriage over here. So basically it depends on the viewer choice of point of view.
Now back to the questions: I have no objection to dating & I would not keep my relationship hush-hush if I had one. That is stupid. Either you believe in having a relationship & dating or you're not; so if you don’t, just don’t do it! I hate feeling creepy about anything & relationships are just the same. What's the point of sneaking out & meeting low & always fear someone would catch you?
I had never dated though; I mean I have guy-friends but there is no feeling romance between any of them & me. It's not because I am afraid or things like that. It's just that I don’t like to date around, have fun with people I don’t know, go on blind dates or whatever. & to be honest I am not a person who catches the eyes at first. & I am sure that I have mentioned that I am a fat girl & I have very average looks. Not that I don’t like myself, but frankly I am not someone who people wants to look at twice. So that could be another reason.
On the other hand, going out with someone who is not the right one & there is nothing between the tow is pointless. Most of the time I start a friendship first if I want to really date someone & after a while I just figure that there is no spark between us & we are just good friends. I admit that I have had crushes but they never ended up to a relationship. & in some points I get asked out, which usually caught me off-guard since I can not see what they see in me to start a date to begin with.
On the S** part, I am a believer in staying virgin. & it has nothing to with it being a taboo. It's just that I feel having a sexual relationship brings commitment & it's not the way I want to live my life. I am a free spirit, not to be bound to any kind of obligations.
This is really complicated, & I am no ordinary girl so do not base your judgment about Iranian girls on my personal opinions. I just hope that the friend who asked me would have got his answer. & I made a public answer to subside the hesitation some people feel about this particular issue in Iran.
BTW, to the dear friend I mentioned: you can remember that I don’t believe in marriages & living happily ever after for sure. So don’t start with the whole thing again. This is totally different with dating. & in my world dating doesn’t lead to wedding rings!
Sorry if the post is rather personal but I should have been done. Anyway, do you remember the other friend I told you about who liked me? Well, he brought the subject up a while back & I just gave him my tow cents on the matter & we worked things out. I guess he handled it very well & he moved on easily cos he is already engaged with someone. It was fast! I wish him & the soon to be bride all the best.... it's cool to have a close married friend!
Sunday, November 28, 2004
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2 comments:
I just saw an interesting movie about dating in Iran. The English title is "The Girl in Sneakers" but I don't know what the Farsi title is. It starts with a young couple walking in the park on a sort of "date." They were arrested because this is illegal? I found that a bit of a surprise.
I think you are entitled to your opinions about dating and it is ok that you dont really. I have to wonder though, if people don't date, then how do they ever get married? Are marriages arranged or what? How do you feel about that?
In the so-called Western World, there used to be a common custom called courtship. It was mostly destroyed at the time of World War II, when families and communities were split apart and became widely scattered.
With very few exceptions, courtship meant dating without s**. Very few people in my country under the age of 50 have ever heard of or experienced courtship. The ones who have heard of it probably regard the idea as old-fashioned, outmoded, etc..
But the fact remains that the marriages that took place following traditional courtship almost nnever broke up. When my high school graduating class held its 25th anniversary class reunion there were only 4 or 5 out of the class of 185 who were not still married to their first spouse. The point is that courtship gave young people a chance to get acquainted before they made a serious committment. It also gave them a chance to actually fall in love before they fell into bed.
Pop psychologists on tv and radio always claim that those old fashioned marriages were "unhappy" and that they were full of abusive husbands. I can only comment from personal experience. Before tv, most young people got to know their friends' parents about as well as they knew their own. I know that most of those homes were happy and filled with love. Unfortunately, such a home is the exception today, among their grandchildren. In the school district in which I live, which has more than 50,000 students in school, almost 60 percent of the children come from homes which have been broken up by seperation or divorce. Some that haven't yet broken up have become dysfunctional because the husband and/or wife are continually having extra-marital affairs.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I hope that you and your generation of young people, in Iran and around the world, will take a good, critical look at the disasters that have overtaken Western Society, before you decide to throw out your old traditions and copy something that you imagine may be better.
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