My thesis

The city I adore...
And finally I am working on it...
Looking at my life, I understand that nothing has ever meant more to me than it... It is part of who I am and part of whatever I will be...
Generation after generation we lived on this land, held it dear to our heart and sacrificed for it and I guess now is the time I pay my dues to the city I love: Tehran

One Foot at a time... till I drawn

Had been a long and nasty journey without you... I came to understand that in a second you can turn to a pest in the eyes of strangers.
"I like being a pest... it's better than being ignored" you mentioned one day and now...
--
Life in Tehran is getting harder passing each minute:
Dont get me wrong. I am not about to complain. after all I chose to stay.
And if it was not for the economic crisis, I would have been happy. However, when I get my relatively sufficient pay check and in 2 days, I am left pennyless!!!! life does not seem so bright!

To Sanaz

Missing home is hard... But there is a price to everything... to everyone. We have to make sacrifices in order to move on.Take the memories... hang on to them but still let the sunshine of future warm your heart.

A Letter to You

I'm afraid that it might be true... that the world is about to face a crisis like it did in 20s... Almost everyone I know, everywhere has gone through some sort of economical chaos lately.
...

What makes me frighten is: I absolutely find no hope in future. There had always been a glimpse of hope in my heart... a barely-there light which allowed me to cope with whatever nonsense that came my way... now that light has faded into darkness also.
I look over my life and I see no thrill in living it: dull, dull existence of a black and bruised heart... How could that happen to me? Me, of all the people? Me, who had always been the smile in gray, gloomy days? Me, who had been the constant ball of energizer rays? Wasn't it supposed to happen when I would reach 40?
However, now, in the moment that I have ALMOST reached whatever goal I have planned to reach all my life, I feel NOTHING. I shrug: So what? What all the glories of a success magnifies in my life? What becomes of an overachiever?
My mind just shrugs again: No emotion brings excitement... no realization of a dream shocks me... absolute indifference.
I'm frightened: the indifference in me frightens me. The symptoms are there: I have stopped writing all together... no notepads on classes, no rush of words in a taxi, no sms blogs late in the night when I wake up and can not turn on the light, no twitters in crazy work times, no blog posts... no stories. NOTHING!
ans it scares me how easy it is to be forgotten... to be left out of life. How you can vanish mentally and go into a bubble that no one can break!

A Foggy Morning Light

Dreams had been there... dark in the abyss of night...
And I was there... helpless and unable to reach beyond

El is here... 7 years and 10 days...
How could I survive?

Careless

I'm careless,
Careless with my emotions,
Careless with my life...

I risk my heart
And gamble on my love....

And in the end,
I never find an ace to hold...
And Ace to keep...

All I have is a dime to offer...

Semi Poems ----- Maybe

I write on my 360 blog mostly... the thoughts.. the vanishing moments...

What Kind of a Student Am I?

I cannot sit motionless.
I get bored easily and I stop listening.
In the class I have my earphones on and I am listening to music while writing semi-poems in English mostly.
I participate in lessons and drop answers while drawing on a pad.
I barely can wait till the break.
I like to 'MISS' classes occasionally and go somewhere and have fun instead.
(Nope I do not use the word 'ditch'... I don't 'ditch' the class... I simply use my right not to go!)
If the lesson is boring I do not hesitate to show it to my professor.
I hate having to do homework.
...
I can go on forever... but it's just enough for now. Just tell me why am I thinking about Ph.D?

Here I am!

After so long I could get into this!
WOW!
I missed writting here!

Check out my Guestbook!

My Worst Fears

What Are You Afraid Of?

My Result: not belonging

Have you ever noticed that you're more concerned about whether others will love and care for you than many people around you are? Or do you sometimes worry more than you should about being unneeded, unimportant, or even ostracized by those around you? If so, you're not alone. There are many people who share your fear of not belonging.

Love and Moi

The Love Test

My Result: Prized Partner

You appreciate the finer things in life and tend to seek out others who share your refined tastes. High fashion, gourmet meals, luxurious getaways — these are the kinds of things that you enjoy. If you can experience them with a worldly, stylish mate, all the better. You are drawn to people who know how to take care of themselves and are hooked in socially. Whether you're out at a club or a restaurant opening, it's important to you to be part of the scene.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=loveogt&c=50652

Harry Potter and Moi

Which Harry Potter Character Are You?

My Result: Ginny Weasley

You rarely need Polyjuice potion because you're usually happy just being you! While you might not make the biggest splash or cause drama, you slowly and steadily win over lots of people who think you're pretty darn wonderful. While you can be a little shy and self-conscious at times (especially around a crush), you're probably considered to be a BFF by more than just one person.


Luckily, your talents aren't just the magic kind. You're also kind and smart and just great to be around. Looks like you'll have a very charmed life indeed!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=harrycharacterogt&c=50652

April's Fool

Today, 13th of Farvardin (first month of Iranian Calender), is 'SizdeBeDar' (13 to be gone) A day Iranian celebrate the end of Norooz Holiday & get back to work the day after. In this day, Iranian reconnect with nature. They go out on picnics & have some special dishes made & do some dancing, eat nuts & they wish for the best by knotting 'Sabze' (Young growing wheat stems in green).

Another custom is to tell a lie the way that no one notice... You call it April Joke. We call it: Doroogh e Sizdah. (13's lie).

So I made a little game today. I started calling my gang, pretending that I can not hear their voice on the cell, or the voice was too low: they shouted, screamed, & when they were just trying to make me hear them I told them to call me back & cut the conversation. When they called, I told them : April Fool!

It was fun but I believe I must not show up for the upcoming birthday of my friend! Too many furious guys & no help would be way too dangerous!

The City I Love

It's spring here... walking with the green steps of the leaves. There are times that I truely understand why I love this town...:

The hectic rush before the New Year's onset, the smell of Daffodils, the pure blue sky, the wind, the stars at night so close you can reach out & touch... I Love Tehran!

NoRooz, as we call our new year, is just around a corner & once in a while it slides it's head, a takes a glance at us... Everything is in motion... people, shopping, laughing, running, strolling, cleaning... birds flying, winds blowing.... You can not sit aside & not be in the waves... they overcome your wish to stand still & move you forward...

Are You a Left-hand?

One of our little joys of the life, aka pass time, is getting up dressed & have a night out in a fancy restaurant: imagine 5 girls, dressed up & made up, shouting & making a mess in a 5 star hotel. Most of the time the butlers have wild guesses that we are bunch of drunks... which we absolutely are... we get high on each other presence.

Anyhow what I wanted to say is not about that. It is more about an incident that happened in one of these posh hang outs of ours.

You are, of course, very well aware that when the table is set the glass is either set up the plate to the right or beside the plate to the right. also, I'm sure you are perfectly acquainted with the fact that the cutlery should be held by the right hand. Right?

I am not unfortunately a total lefties... but I use both hands to do things: I sew with my left hand, & I write with my right. I take the glass & the knife by my left!

Now you have all the elements to my story: A posh restaurant, a semi-lefties, & a butler of high elegance!

Our table was set when we arrived... & I was accompanied by a nice elderly gentleman who happened to be my guest. We sat & the first thing I did was as always change the place of the glass. The butler came a while later & changed the position of my glass thinking that I have done it ignorantly. & as I have had orderd Steak he put the knife down on the right side. I, once agian, changed the position of the glass, had it filled & subtly while speaking in muttered hush voice changed the position of my knife. This time the old butler got totally out of hand. He leaned over & thinking that I probably did not know the rules, whispered that I should leave the glass at its place on the right. "I'm a left-hand." I explained. He looked at me strange & said: "so? you must keep the glass on the right...!"

- no I use my left hand.

He just nodded his head like I was some wierdo & left. The next time he came by I was cutting my food with my left hand. I swear he choked.

It was nice that it seemed that he have not met someone like me. Laters that eve, my company told me that he knew a lot of left-hands who used the right hand styles in eating.

Now I wonder, do you use your left hand while on table for food?

Valentine… such a world for a hermit like me… well, I feel totally out of place right now… Totally out of picture. It's like I had been left out of a great secret… a wisdom come to those who practice… you know.
Last night I went to buy a gift… I'm of those people who never left the presents for last minute since I hate buying things in a rush & when it's so crowded you can not see what you are buying; anyhow, due to financial crisis, this particular gift was left to be bought by toady… yeah, yeah, back to the main story: I went to haunt for the gift & everywhere I stepped foot on there were young girls & boys buying, laughing, cheering for a day that is not ours. It was sad… how they related to it & how I did not….
In the wrapping shop, (there is one particular shop I frequent in Mirza-Shirazi Ave. who has excellent wrapping material & a nice, tasteful lady… the name? oh, Golden Card "Karte-Talaeeii") there were too many, too many young faces just examining the boxes & wraps & all… I felt sort of out of place… like an ugly-ducky-duck in a spring of beautiful swans. I shyly asked the shopping girl for wrapping assistance & she asked is this your first? I had to stop myself from laughing… I am yet to have a real valentine.
It is not hard to see that I am beyond the age to care for romance: romance is more of a fiction to me than something tangible & real. It is only in fairy tales that lovers live happily ever after, that lovers are prefect matches. It would be great lie to believe that love… the kind of love I'm dreaming of would ever find its way out of my dreams into reality.

It's Freezing... but We got used to it!

I'm still shocked that we survived... I mean honestly for more than a week the country went into a hibernation... people barely got out of the house & the fuel problem was threatening a lot of lives.

We are still in a mess regarding the gas providence. Some areas of the country have no heating system except for wood while the temperature is around -30 C.

Last week, the governmental organizations, Schools, Universities & a lot of factories had been made "closed" to save fuel for other parts of the country. In my company the heating system is off during non-work hours & it is barely on (2 hours on top) during work hours. It means that right now I am working in the office & the temperature is: 12 C. We can not serve hot plate food & well, it's almost the same in every other governmental companies. (Though I must say that the temperature in managerial office is 22 which is not surprising at all).

Anyhow, We are surviving.... rather than everything else. I sleep with a warm bag in my bed every night since My dad, a very caring & philanthropic person, had turned the house heating system to lower temperature, 19 C to help saving the gas for those in need. (He made us wear a lot of clothes & said that he would be ashamed if we could not tolerate coldness while people are on the verge of losing lives).

We survived!

Freezinggggggggg

I just wrote a post which got vanished! Anyhow, We're freezing... Gonna write more soon.

ARoS Aarhus Kunstmuseum to host Shirin Neshat ~ 'Women Without Men'

If you happened to be in Denmark, It would worth a visit.