Very interesting subject! Actually this bizarre friend of mine keep popping motivating questions & honestly never ever these subjects would have crossed my mind without his help*.
We live in a somehow traditional country where by default divorce is considered a taboo. Unfortunately for most Iranian woman, divorce is the last approach. Though I understand the benefit it has for keeping the family together, I feel that some ladies go under a lot of unnecessary sacrifices while they can save themselves the pain. But that is just my personal opinion....
The process of getting divorced in Iran is a long, painful procedure.... & it is meant to be to avoid the breakdown of the family. & I know that most of the laws are unfortunately for men & it leads to unhappy marriages. Living in a loving & happy family, I am far from talking about the results of an unhappy marriage on children... yet through watching others it is obvious that everybody involved in the marriage (including the poor children) is affected badly.
Interesting point is that getting divorce is the easiest part considering the post-split problems that may occur. Women suffer more from these post-split problems as I like to call them. Our culture is mostly based on man-dominance & though it is slowly changing still the stone-age rules shadows some aspects of our lives. (Ridiculous as it is, in stone-age Iran was mostly governed by women.... *sighs*) So a divorced lady has to be very cautious & self-conscious about her behavior in the society.... she must "behave" herself! A widow is not usually welcomed. She is sometimes treated like she has a disease & must be kept in quarantine....
Well, that's not the whole society notion. We have quite a few family friends who are divorced & we never did have a problem with them. & they do live the way they want to still even the most laid-back of them claims to have a lot of problems.
In my generation however, the attitude toward divorce is changing quickly & although it's sad to see all the numerous divorce files filling in these days, it is good that we have learned to accept the fact.
I personally think that it is due to the fact that the new generation is more self-centered than our parents. We like to consider our own benefit more than the whole society's. Hence we tend to walk out when there is something threatening our own happiness... the same fact can be mentioned about brain drain & immigration. Iranians are the most highly-educated immigrants in the world. That is tragic.... well, that's a totally different issue I might want to talk about later.
Meanwhile, two are my friends are getting divorced in USA.... they are both family friends & we are all the same age as each other. I had been there when they fell in love; when they decided to get married; when they said their vows but I can not be there for them now. & it is hard for us who remained here.... we thought that they would last forever. They lived our dream alive... being so in-love & so young & charming. Where all the love goes? The girls has been one of my best friends... when her soon-to-be-ex (how sad it sounds) called me last time he said: "I'm happy I took a chance & lived with one of the best girls I knew... but there was no way we could work things out. We grow up & it's time to live as adults we are not as the teenagers we used to be!"
Enough of me posting sad thing.... I shall keep my happy mood! It's Christmas time for heaven's sake! & my birthday is coming up so... yeah; I shall live it up a bit & maybe go out with my crew!
* Remember the friend who asked me about boyfriends? He is the one who asked for a post on Divorce! C. you're a socialist, aren't you? Go find the answers yourself hun!
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Divorce in Iran!
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3 comments:
Dear L. (Ok I know your net-name is proshat but whatever.) This is C! & well, if I wanted to check all those books I wouldnot get real information about real people in Iran. Most of the data provided here is biased in one way or another. I want to work on real matters, real & nonjudgmental. That is why I ask you to write about your own expriences. You are a real person living in the real enviroment. BTW u could be my area under examination! :D J/king but Hun your answers are really appriciated & why dont you write about other questions too like the religous ones & all?
ps: Happy Upcoming birthday!
Easy divorce in Canada has caused a huge amount of trouble. Not to mention making multi-millionaires out of thousands of divorce lawyers. It's easy and quick to get a divorce here, but the financial litigations afterwards can go on for years. My daughter is still paying lawyers fees more than ten years after her divorce. All of my grandchildren are living in single parent households, except for the oldest one who has moved out on his own. The huge losers in the Canadian "divorce on a whim" are the children, who deserve much better.
Nearly every member of my family and my wife's family who are under 50 have had at least one divorce. One man of 50 is paying money to two previous wives for child support. He'll have to work at two jobs until he dies of old age? I don't know anything about divorce in any other country, but quick and easy "no fault" divorce has been a disaster in Canada. Nearly any Canadian teacher can tell you horror stories about some of their students who are left behind by their parents' divorce. I'm a retired teacher and I can truly say that I had to spend a lot of time trying to help those children get through the emotional trauma that was caused by their parents' divorces. I hope that you never have to experience a divorce in your family.
Thanks for that post, Proshat.
I disagree with doral about divorce. I think they should be easy to get since often that is the only way for people (usually women) to get out of abusive situations. Sure, there are bad parents who'll get a divorce on a whim but those people would probably be bad parents anyways.
I will agree with him that I, too, hope you never have a divorce in your family. My family is lucky in that regard. There really have been few divorces. One occured when the kids in the relationship were too young to really remember it and the other two happened when the children had grown up and were adults.
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