I'm afraid that it might be true... that the world is about to face a crisis like it did in 20s... Almost everyone I know, everywhere has gone through some sort of economical chaos lately.
...
What makes me frighten is: I absolutely find no hope in future. There had always been a glimpse of hope in my heart... a barely-there light which allowed me to cope with whatever nonsense that came my way... now that light has faded into darkness also.
I look over my life and I see no thrill in living it: dull, dull existence of a black and bruised heart... How could that happen to me? Me, of all the people? Me, who had always been the smile in gray, gloomy days? Me, who had been the constant ball of energizer rays? Wasn't it supposed to happen when I would reach 40?
However, now, in the moment that I have ALMOST reached whatever goal I have planned to reach all my life, I feel NOTHING. I shrug: So what? What all the glories of a success magnifies in my life? What becomes of an overachiever?
My mind just shrugs again: No emotion brings excitement... no realization of a dream shocks me... absolute indifference.
I'm frightened: the indifference in me frightens me. The symptoms are there: I have stopped writing all together... no notepads on classes, no rush of words in a taxi, no sms blogs late in the night when I wake up and can not turn on the light, no twitters in crazy work times, no blog posts... no stories. NOTHING!
ans it scares me how easy it is to be forgotten... to be left out of life. How you can vanish mentally and go into a bubble that no one can break!
...
What makes me frighten is: I absolutely find no hope in future. There had always been a glimpse of hope in my heart... a barely-there light which allowed me to cope with whatever nonsense that came my way... now that light has faded into darkness also.
I look over my life and I see no thrill in living it: dull, dull existence of a black and bruised heart... How could that happen to me? Me, of all the people? Me, who had always been the smile in gray, gloomy days? Me, who had been the constant ball of energizer rays? Wasn't it supposed to happen when I would reach 40?
However, now, in the moment that I have ALMOST reached whatever goal I have planned to reach all my life, I feel NOTHING. I shrug: So what? What all the glories of a success magnifies in my life? What becomes of an overachiever?
My mind just shrugs again: No emotion brings excitement... no realization of a dream shocks me... absolute indifference.
I'm frightened: the indifference in me frightens me. The symptoms are there: I have stopped writing all together... no notepads on classes, no rush of words in a taxi, no sms blogs late in the night when I wake up and can not turn on the light, no twitters in crazy work times, no blog posts... no stories. NOTHING!
ans it scares me how easy it is to be forgotten... to be left out of life. How you can vanish mentally and go into a bubble that no one can break!
