Persian New Year

Seems like a long time ago when I actually sat down to write new year resolutions.... I have no goals left whatsoever! No milestones to reach!

Back in Tehran

So how life had been, you might ask? Well, pretty much the same as always. I wonder if I ever stop to amaze myself with my resilience toward dramatic changes & I still act the same.

I got the PhD thingie... I got the research... I got the job... well, I'm still shamefully underpaid for what I do & for what that "dashing" title of a position eludes, but whatever. (& the word "whatever" has became an unspratable reminder of my friend Abdi & his cool Brit accent)

How does Tehran do after the Nuck deal? Vibrant... but when wasn't Tehran vibrant? hmmm yeah... I still can remember those days of 2009 very vividly however Tehran was alive even back then. I do spend my life being allured by the trebling life in this city. I get up in the morning - way later than I should actually - I take the ride to my new office sometime around 8ish or in case I go to school around 9... I usually have back to back meetings, brainstorm sessions or data/content analyzing gatherings. & I leave the office sometime between 5 to 8. I go out for a snack... a coffee... food... with my circle/s. I attend shows & concerts. I still hate shopping & leave it to other people to buy me the necessities of life.... I come home late... do a little reading... write a little... & I go to sleep with George - Yeah, it's name is George & he is a cool ultrabook. & that's about it.

Meanwhile, Life happens: Ario was born & he is the delight in my life. My sis got hitched to this great friend of mine - miracle of my life really- & the whole election thing & Nuclear deal evolved! & it all stayed the same while in a sense, it changed so dramatically. & surprise! I still breathe. 

The Outlook

Well, the unfortunate point is, I know exactly where I'm standing right now in my life and even more unfortunate, I know where I'm heading. Isn't that something?

Being a PhD student at 33 was not something I planned... it just happened that way. In my outline, I had the PhD by 44... before that I was too young!

Now, I am sitting here, at my old desk, looking back at the road that took me (rather than I take it) and I see where I've been and glancing forward I see the road flat and with few bumps ahead.
Most people reach this stage of life somewhere along 30... right? I never figured I was one of them... I always pictured myself being more breezy, more ethereal... more u shape turns... turns out in the end, even the rebel in me cuts a clear road and packs up and follow...

Hail to following the clear flat road... 

Back at 25...

Today there had been an article in Quera asking at 25 would you have perused a "game" job which made you unhappy or a hobby which would not pay the bills but keep you happy?

That got me thinking... what did I do back at 25? I already had a job which more than pay the bills and granted me pursuit of studies - which at the time I considered my hobby. 

It was way later when I figured out that my job has been a drag and the budget got short so the bills remained unpaid and my hobbies faded one by one until I left with no hobby at all.... Well, that would be overstating however you get the picture.

Life had been a steep slope to abyss of happiness for past 4 years... I can tell that it had been the same for almost all my friends... for some more than others. We lost jobs, quit schools, married, divorced, got in and out of relationships, felt the economic crisis to our bones. We saw our beloved Mirhossein, Rahnavard and Karoubi being home-poisoned. Our friends got arrested, accused of unjust accusations and sentenced... We've been through hell and back...

Back at 25, my life was a fun ride on roller coaster. I would be out hanging out with friends almost every night. We had our ladies night out. We had our road trips and books and movies and life was just a game. Would I have chosen to leave my job at the time to pursue my hobby of learning the art of PR if I had known the pressure we would feel 4 years later in 2009? Or it would have been a better job I might have sought? I don't know. I think neither. I would have done the same... even if I knew 8 years later I would be willing to give up everything and start fresh.

Pursuit of Happiness

There had been times I dreamed of big things... I dreamed for my people to have more freedom, I dreamed of them to have the right to choose their destiny and to have the wisdom to make the best choice...

There had been times that I tried making those dreams come true... I fought, I tried to educate people, I stand out and gave my hand to help...

Change... 

Change was there to come. We were hopeful and happy to look forward....

Yet the change... well, it came but it was not what we were looking for. The freedom was limited even more, the people did not see what was important and ... Did ya know, last week this time, Iran could not access gmail, yahoo and hotmail?

There had been a time...  but even the most optimist of all (moi) is loosing faith... even I am giving up on better future... may Lord saves us all.

I Dont Wanna Be30

So it's here in 2 weeks... my 31st birthday... I'm gonna be 30...
It always seemed like a way too far future: I always had my goals set for the time I would be 30.
When I'm 30, I will have my masters degree.
I will be working for 5 years at least in a good work place.
I will be in a managerial level.
I will have lots of friends in different social levels...
I will...

Well, I'm there now!
I got all the things I wanted...
I am "there" really...

One day I woke up and noticed I had spent the previous day the way I imagined I would...

the point is: so what?
What's next for me?
Where am I going to?

Oh My Brave Hearts

We're still here...
We're still keeping our hopes up! We are alive and there is a place inside us: hopeful and fertile...
In 20 years or less, we will write stories on Love, Life and Challenge in Green Years.
 Here approaches the first anniversary of the cheat, the coupe, the brutal diminish of our freedom and we are still here... in the shadow...

Not so irrelevant: 
the Chris de burgh song had always been a dear one for me:

 Oh, My Brave Heart

Mourn my child, Mourn

Someone have been executed today.
He was a teacher... he used to teach love... he used to love the nature.... he used to be an environmental activist...

A Moment of Silence 

Amid the Days of Loss

There is still nice things to look at:

And here is my birthday cake:


Photo Credit: My Lil Sis

Green Like the hope

I was still wearing my green ribbon. I am proud to be wearing it!
Green is the color of hope, the color of profound belief in a change that shall come one day!
Green is the dream we saw 10 years ago...

Green is not a color, it's the essence that has spread to our lives.
Green is the smile on a tired face of a friend who has been beaten up by riot police.
Green is the silence that cut the air and hit the face of the deceptive cheater!

Green is the wave of future!

Stay Green!
Carry it in your heart and one day we will all be wearing green again!

Graduation

Can you believe that I am old enough to be 30 soon?
I remember vividly the girl I was 10 years ago... WOW! Been blogging 10 years and counting!

In 10 days, I will stand in front of a jury to defend my thesis and graduate! In 10 days, I will be the graduate MBA, the catering manager!

I have not accomplished much though, I am still the hearty, stupid girl I was. I still have the dreams where I find happiness and live happily ever after!

Dear God,

Dear God,
I was told that you would listen to me in any language if I would call out your name. I had also been told that you would carry me in times of need.
Dear God, here in my city, every night, millions of hopeful voices call out to you, they are calling you by your supreme power... They are calling you The Great!
Dear God,
There are people dieing in my city! There people who reach out to you to save their soul, to save their future.
Dear God,
There are injustice in your name... there are people being beaten in your name!
Dear God,
Save us! Save our souls... We did not ask for much. Our guilt was to understand... to see... not to obey stupidity.

Where Is My Vote?

I am kicking and alive as we speak; but Tehran isn't! Tehran is the scene of clash between protesters and riot police!

I live in the heart of the clash: We hear gunshots, we see fire, we witness people running! Guards march on... we shut up....

I have not seen such a thing! Not even in June 1999 when Police ride into University dorms.... My friends had gotten hit.

Where is my vote? Where is the confidence I once had that WE can build this country? What happened to the cheerful faces and hopeful looks of young people?

I want my vote back! I withdraw from pseudo-electing M. A.N.! I am ashamed of my nationality for the first time in my life! I am ashamed of the vote I cast! I am ashamed!

I am frightened! My world has just ended and the life I once dreamed is a far far illusion.

I did not ask for much! I had no problem with Hejab! I did not want to go clubbing all night! I just wanted to be able to smile. to be proud of who I am, where I come from! I just wanted to...

My vote goes to...

Mr. Khatami? Nope! Wrong answer...
I have been invite by several people to join the cause and support Mr. Khatami. I even had the discussion on phone with Sunnaz.
Mr. Khatami had been my idol... in 1376 I skipped school and attended his campaigns. Back in 76, we were too trusting and we were opting for a change... the change came... and went away.
I loved him... I loved listening to him and to follow his speeches. I used to follow everything and I fantasized about a better life for women.
He did make some changes... I want to be fair. However, that did not leave us in a better place... People were hungry... and with social change, their hunger for money, for the luxury of a comfortable life grew...
We believed that "it was our right to live a good life" that we had a right to be asking for welfare since we were "intellects"
The time has changed: I do not wish to analyze the changes and the decisions that led us here; but, I wish to state the fact:
People are hungry, a hunger for food, for financial security, for "sufficient" salary.
They have the money but they can not buy anything. They can not invest. There is no hope.
And the next one to rule will have very hard days facing the situation: He has to be powerful, he has to has a "rescue" plan.
Mr. Khatami has my heart forever; but he has to assure me (a pedestrian in his chess)that he can handle the future... He has to name at least a few economists as his consultant and he has to let me feel that by voting to him, I will not actually be blaming myself for the rest of myself.
I already made the mistake twice, and I want some proof before I make the third. :)

Has it ever occurred to you that life moves on soooooo fast?

Update on the messy life on mine

The are few hundred reasons why I dont update my blog.... Quite surprisingly!
First of all blogger is playing tricks here... I can barely log in on and when I do leaving comments, or writing new post is almost impossible. Rummer has it that Google is reducing its services in Iran (which is just the cherry on top of everything else)
Anyway, that is not the main reason though... my job load had increased 200% and my pay check got reduced by 50% which is just the way it is... hence, I am looking for a new job while trying to handle the situation at work.
My thesis title got rejected again which sure means tons of new articles to be read again (have I mentioned that I have read 150 articles, 2 GigaBite information on my thesis so far?)
My friends Thesis deadline is in one month and his thesis is a base for mine so we have to work together and the stress is .... ok its nearly nerve breaking.

My thesis

The city I adore...
And finally I am working on it...
Looking at my life, I understand that nothing has ever meant more to me than it... It is part of who I am and part of whatever I will be...
Generation after generation we lived on this land, held it dear to our heart and sacrificed for it and I guess now is the time I pay my dues to the city I love: Tehran

One Foot at a time... till I drawn

Had been a long and nasty journey without you... I came to understand that in a second you can turn to a pest in the eyes of strangers.
"I like being a pest... it's better than being ignored" you mentioned one day and now...
--
Life in Tehran is getting harder passing each minute:
Dont get me wrong. I am not about to complain. after all I chose to stay.
And if it was not for the economic crisis, I would have been happy. However, when I get my relatively sufficient pay check and in 2 days, I am left pennyless!!!! life does not seem so bright!

To Sanaz

Missing home is hard... But there is a price to everything... to everyone. We have to make sacrifices in order to move on.Take the memories... hang on to them but still let the sunshine of future warm your heart.