Persian New Year

Seems like a long time ago when I actually sat down to write new year resolutions.... I have no goals left whatsoever! No milestones to reach!

Back in Tehran

So how life had been, you might ask? Well, pretty much the same as always. I wonder if I ever stop to amaze myself with my resilience toward dramatic changes & I still act the same.

I got the PhD thingie... I got the research... I got the job... well, I'm still shamefully underpaid for what I do & for what that "dashing" title of a position eludes, but whatever. (& the word "whatever" has became an unspratable reminder of my friend Abdi & his cool Brit accent)

How does Tehran do after the Nuck deal? Vibrant... but when wasn't Tehran vibrant? hmmm yeah... I still can remember those days of 2009 very vividly however Tehran was alive even back then. I do spend my life being allured by the trebling life in this city. I get up in the morning - way later than I should actually - I take the ride to my new office sometime around 8ish or in case I go to school around 9... I usually have back to back meetings, brainstorm sessions or data/content analyzing gatherings. & I leave the office sometime between 5 to 8. I go out for a snack... a coffee... food... with my circle/s. I attend shows & concerts. I still hate shopping & leave it to other people to buy me the necessities of life.... I come home late... do a little reading... write a little... & I go to sleep with George - Yeah, it's name is George & he is a cool ultrabook. & that's about it.

Meanwhile, Life happens: Ario was born & he is the delight in my life. My sis got hitched to this great friend of mine - miracle of my life really- & the whole election thing & Nuclear deal evolved! & it all stayed the same while in a sense, it changed so dramatically. & surprise! I still breathe. 

The Outlook

Well, the unfortunate point is, I know exactly where I'm standing right now in my life and even more unfortunate, I know where I'm heading. Isn't that something?

Being a PhD student at 33 was not something I planned... it just happened that way. In my outline, I had the PhD by 44... before that I was too young!

Now, I am sitting here, at my old desk, looking back at the road that took me (rather than I take it) and I see where I've been and glancing forward I see the road flat and with few bumps ahead.
Most people reach this stage of life somewhere along 30... right? I never figured I was one of them... I always pictured myself being more breezy, more ethereal... more u shape turns... turns out in the end, even the rebel in me cuts a clear road and packs up and follow...

Hail to following the clear flat road... 

Back at 25...

Today there had been an article in Quera asking at 25 would you have perused a "game" job which made you unhappy or a hobby which would not pay the bills but keep you happy?

That got me thinking... what did I do back at 25? I already had a job which more than pay the bills and granted me pursuit of studies - which at the time I considered my hobby. 

It was way later when I figured out that my job has been a drag and the budget got short so the bills remained unpaid and my hobbies faded one by one until I left with no hobby at all.... Well, that would be overstating however you get the picture.

Life had been a steep slope to abyss of happiness for past 4 years... I can tell that it had been the same for almost all my friends... for some more than others. We lost jobs, quit schools, married, divorced, got in and out of relationships, felt the economic crisis to our bones. We saw our beloved Mirhossein, Rahnavard and Karoubi being home-poisoned. Our friends got arrested, accused of unjust accusations and sentenced... We've been through hell and back...

Back at 25, my life was a fun ride on roller coaster. I would be out hanging out with friends almost every night. We had our ladies night out. We had our road trips and books and movies and life was just a game. Would I have chosen to leave my job at the time to pursue my hobby of learning the art of PR if I had known the pressure we would feel 4 years later in 2009? Or it would have been a better job I might have sought? I don't know. I think neither. I would have done the same... even if I knew 8 years later I would be willing to give up everything and start fresh.

Pursuit of Happiness

There had been times I dreamed of big things... I dreamed for my people to have more freedom, I dreamed of them to have the right to choose their destiny and to have the wisdom to make the best choice...

There had been times that I tried making those dreams come true... I fought, I tried to educate people, I stand out and gave my hand to help...

Change... 

Change was there to come. We were hopeful and happy to look forward....

Yet the change... well, it came but it was not what we were looking for. The freedom was limited even more, the people did not see what was important and ... Did ya know, last week this time, Iran could not access gmail, yahoo and hotmail?

There had been a time...  but even the most optimist of all (moi) is loosing faith... even I am giving up on better future... may Lord saves us all.

I Dont Wanna Be30

So it's here in 2 weeks... my 31st birthday... I'm gonna be 30...
It always seemed like a way too far future: I always had my goals set for the time I would be 30.
When I'm 30, I will have my masters degree.
I will be working for 5 years at least in a good work place.
I will be in a managerial level.
I will have lots of friends in different social levels...
I will...

Well, I'm there now!
I got all the things I wanted...
I am "there" really...

One day I woke up and noticed I had spent the previous day the way I imagined I would...

the point is: so what?
What's next for me?
Where am I going to?

Oh My Brave Hearts

We're still here...
We're still keeping our hopes up! We are alive and there is a place inside us: hopeful and fertile...
In 20 years or less, we will write stories on Love, Life and Challenge in Green Years.
 Here approaches the first anniversary of the cheat, the coupe, the brutal diminish of our freedom and we are still here... in the shadow...

Not so irrelevant: 
the Chris de burgh song had always been a dear one for me:

 Oh, My Brave Heart

Mourn my child, Mourn

Someone have been executed today.
He was a teacher... he used to teach love... he used to love the nature.... he used to be an environmental activist...

A Moment of Silence 

Amid the Days of Loss

There is still nice things to look at:

And here is my birthday cake:


Photo Credit: My Lil Sis